My nipple is on Facebook.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
