Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i think my mom watched the whole time
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
