jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
