if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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