Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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