When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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