sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
