Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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