but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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