So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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