Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize