Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
