Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
