shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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