cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize