the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
