I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
