if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
