I'm going to jail i love you
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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