We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize