I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
