I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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