she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Randomize
