I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
