i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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