Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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