About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
