Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
