If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize