I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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