oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
