It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
how does that bad decision feel?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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