yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
