Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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