sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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