You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
