how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
