i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
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