Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
we're making bets on your personal life
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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