someone threw a dead crab at me
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
