im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize