I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
