just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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