Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
