So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
