i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
