Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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