Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
