My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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