A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
