i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
