Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
