She is in my trunk
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
