the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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