I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
