And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
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