she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize