I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
