Your mouth is God's brothel.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
