I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
