you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
