i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
