So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
