I am puke
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just want nice things and good sex
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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