Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
