do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
