I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
