WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
