STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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