He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
