WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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