evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
